oli's family service

tonight we had oli's family service at the chapel in the hall. it was a lovely evening, a little less formal than tomorrow will be, with the coffin open and lots of stories and laughs and food afterwards. it was beautifully set up, with white wreaths ordered for the occasion and tapa cloth set out for the coffin to rest by.

it was all perfect for her and she looked like an angel all in white. 

after stephen died, oli had told me every single thing she wanted for her funeral and i had spent months adding to my notes about what she wanted so that things would be perfect. she didn't want any fuss and wanted things just like stephen had had. the same coffin even. a few months ago i found a measure of white lace and showed it to her, as one of her requests was to have a white lace covering on her coffin. it had been hemmed and waiting in a bag and finally went on her coffin today. 

dominique chose her flowers from photos we sent, so she still had the chance to be included and we spent hours and hours on facetime oganising things, working out the eulogy and every other detail. it proved just too hard to get her into australia with the restrictions being that she isn't an australian citizen, so we don't know if her application would be accepted, the air fares plus hotel quarantine costs was almost $30k, then getting her back into the us would be a whole nother story again. in the end we decided as a family that staying there was safer.

❤

dog was asked by his mothers sisters to conduct the evening and did an incredible job, held it together like you wouldn't believe and was so strong. with the wonders of modern technology, we even managed to have this family service as well as the church and burial services tomorrow live streamed  and available for a later download for all her loved ones who were not able to attend.

the most incredible part of the evening was matthew douglas sending his great aunt out with a heartfelt haka. 

the spirit in the room was so strong and felt by all who were lucky enough to be a part of the evening.

we even displayed some lovely things of hers in the passage outside the hall, some family photos and her favourite quilt. her quilt has been with her for the last 6 months, almost to the day. she had always wanted a quilt all of her own and this was made especially for her, by my mother with samoan fabrics as a gift when douglas turned 40. she loved it so much and was brought to tears. she has had it with her at home and for every hospital stay and was even covered with it when she slipped from this life to the next. she treasured it so much and i know she would have loved that it was with her today too.

now to make it through tomorrow. deep breaths.

april 2021 dance competitions

 

life must go on... and another set of dance comps is done and dusted. when one is part of a troupe that can't perform with a missing person, you show up - and i was so proud of madeline for giving it her all, when she is obviously still hurting, as we all are. oli loved to watch madeline dance and never missed a concert until she got too sick. i know she was watching today.

our girl danced in the 12 years and under lyrical troupe with these other cuties, their outfits are very appropriate for the song choice - here comes the sun.

they received an honourable mention for both sections they competed in, which was pretty darn good, when you consider the competition... they were against huge troupes at the top end of their category age wise. they did great and that's all that matters.

with her bestie madi - or as we like to call them, the madi show.

troupe shot!

and a photo with their jazz troupe. she's just started jazz this year and is loving it. so glad she decided to audition for the group.

we love our little dancing girl. i am constantly blown away by her grace and confidence, neither of wish i was blessed with. you are a superstar miss madeline! 

oliveta kendall 1959-2021

with great sadness, we announce the passing of our dear mother oliveta kendall. 18/10/1959 - 07/04/2021 after a long battle with cancer, she passed way peacefully in her sleep with her family by her side. strong and determined, she fought to the very end. she will be missed so very much by her children douglas & jade and dominique & bryan and her grandchildren madeline, joseph and alexander. she was a much loved sister, aunty and friend. we are humbled by the outpouring of love we have received and are grateful for each and every message.

the day we dreaded has arrived. my beautiful mother in law finally slipped from this life to the next this afternoon. she fought so hard, for so long and just didn't want to leave us. but we know she has finally been reunited with her beloved steve and is sleeping peacefully for the first time in months,

doug called through to the hospital as soon as he was able on tuesday morning and was told to bring her straight in, where the doctors started running tests to try and see what was wrong. they gave her some strong painkillers to ensure she was comfortable, then continued to check in throughout the day. her dr came in to see her and said they were checking whatever they could to see how they could help.

doug finally came home late tuesday night, exhausted but not at all happy about having left his mum alone at the hospital. i offered to go and sit with her which he was so happy with, so i packed some things and went in just after midnight to sit with her. she woke up when i arrived and spoke to me briefly, so i held her hand and chatted away to her telling her about my day and funny things the kids had done at my mums until she fell asleep again. it sounds like a terrible thing to say, but from the minute i walked into that room, i knew she was dying. i could smell it and feel it in the air. people think i'm crazy, but death has such a distinct smell and it's something you would never forget. being that i have attended to hundreds of transfers in my years in the funeral home, i knew it was in the air.

throughout the night she would wake and cry out, so i would hold her hand and chat away to her. i distinctly remember that sometime in the middle of the night that she looked right at me and said, "doug needs you jade. promise me you'll never leave him." of course i promised and she settled again. i told her that if she needed to go it was okay and that i would look after her grandchildren and always keep them safe. she smiled every so often, but she was so uncomfortable and keep moaning in her sleep.

doctor dean came in the morning to see her as soon as he arrived in the hospital. doug had taken our kids to the pinkers and dropped them off so he could come back to the hospital, so he had already come back to her by then. when dr dean came in, he asked her how she was doing and in true oli form, she croaked, "oh not too bad." it was always her way, even when she felt her worst.

he took us outside and said that her body was shutting down and there was nothing else they could do to intervene or assist, but that if there was anyone who needed to come, that we had better notify them straight away to make sure they came quickly. doug called her sisters and they hopped on the first flight that was available along with ann-marie and ollie his cousins.

the nurses came and changed her sheets and her robe sometime around lunch which annoyed me a little as she cried out multiple times from the pain it caused and i really felt like it was unnecessary, but i know they were just doing their job and tried to be grateful for them.

 the pain got worse for her and the nurses fitted her with a pump that would dose her automatically with a small amount of morphine each hour and for the first time since i had arrived, she fell into a deep sleep. doug had contacted our bishop and he arrived and after talking to her, you could tell she knew he was there with her. as the hours went by and her breaths became slower, he laid her hands on her head and gave her a blessing of peace to guide her on her journey to the next life. it was beautiful and such an emotional time for all of us, but i was so glad he was there with us and to be able to offer that final act of service to her.

her breaths became slower and slower, until finally she took her final breath, with douglas and i by her side and dominique on the phone. bishop and her neighbour keryn stepped out into the hallway to allow us a few minutes alone. i truly treasure those final moments with her - and especially being able to spend that final night with her. to know she was safe and loved and not alone.

there truly is no words to explain the way i feel right now. i never knew it was possible to feel so happy and so sad at the same time. i am elated she is no longer in pain and back with her stephen, but i am so sad that i have lost not only my second mother, but one of my dearest friends. the years i was able to spend with her, are priceless to me.

there are very few people in this world that can say they were as loved by their in-laws as i can. my mother-in-law loved me and showed me often. she was always calling me, buying food she knew i liked, letting me whinge to her and helping with the kids.

the greatest joy in her life was her grandchildren. she was so madly in love with them and spoiled them rotten. we were absolutely devastated to find out she had cancer the week after alex was born and as we watched her get more and more ill over the last two and half years, it's been heartbreaking. even after she lost her stephen, she held on for so long and fought so hard. most of all she never complained. a classic example was her telling dr dean this morning "oh i'm not too bad."

you will always be in our hearts and never, ever forgotten. sleep peacefully. ❤

fun times at nanna's

overnight grandma got a lot worse, is in a lot of pain and really needs to be admitted to hospital to be monitored. upon calling her ward at the hospital, doug was told her doctor isn't in and won't be in until tomorrow because of the public holiday, so they can't actually admit her until he, or another dr familiar with her case is there to assist. they recommended that she present to the nearest emergency department to be seen and monitored in the meantime, but she is adamant that she wants the team familiar with her and that going to the ed is a waste of time. i must admit i kind of agree, so doug has gone to be with her and i am off to mums with the kids as we promised them.

it was a cousin party with zac and kat's boys and oh did they have a good time. the lions train may have been returned, but uncle isaac has been busy at his house making his own carriages which are going to live at nanna and grandads from now on - and he'll bring his quad bike for all future cousin parties.

as you can see, it was a huge hit. 

and kept them entertained for quite some time. huge snaps to uncle isaac for building the carriages too. they are impressive!

another great day at nannas...

easter 2021

easter sunday is always a huge celebration in our house, because grandma makes it so. obviously easter is about the sacrifice of the saviour, first and foremost - and that's what we focus on, as we spend our day at church, celebrating his resurrection, then we go home and have our annual egg hunt.

things haven't been great for grandma this week, we went to the temple on thursday, then friday she told doug her feet were hurting, by yesterday she said she really wasn't feeling the best and then said today she was going to stay home from church and rest. she did ask doug to drop by after church though to pick up the (hundreds) of hunting eggs she always buys for the kids so we could still go ahead with our hunt. she wanted photos and videos so she could watch later. done!

the kids got their eggs from "the easter bunny" when they woke up, i would always get a humpty dumpty egg when i was small and i love that they still have them, so that was an easy choice for alex. iron man is joseph's absolute favourite so i was thrilled to see a big chocolate iron man head in coles a few weeks back - and madeline was very matter of fact that she wanted a caramilk egg. so easy this year.

i mean look at that! it shakes when it rattles, so fun!

and let's be honest, there are very few people who chocolate can't make happy.

my favourite part of the day is getting to hide all the eggs. it's usually still quite hot though, so we have to be quick so the don't melt before they are found

alex loved our easter egg hunt and kept bringing them back to pop on the picnic table, but may have eaten quite a few in the meantime. 

maddie did her usual and owned the hunt, she's so quick on her feet with a keen eye, so she found a lot of them.

alex got in on the action with a little help from nannaleah and uncle taui

and the loot was excellent. this was just madeline's haul and she was stoked. we had a lovely day. it was sad that grandma wasn't here with us, but we are hoping she feels better soon.

 

the markets with the maddie's

kaz and i took these little besties to the guildford twilight markets this evening and it was hilarious. they decided they were going to get dressed up all nice, which involved nice dresses, 90s hair do's and tattoo necklaces. i honestly felt like i was back in high school watching them and could barely contain my laughter

they then insisted on getting matching rainbow bunny face painting (cause it's easter tomorrow of course)

then danced about in front of a rather large audience on the gazebo by the live musicians.

i love these girls. i really do - and i hope they never change. ❤

 

temple with oli

oli and i went to the temple this morning and it was so nice to see her there and now she was feeling peaceful. it's been a rough week for her, the chemo that worked before is no longer working and her dr has started her on one final option, which he has told us is much more aggressive than the other options and may be the last chance there is. she decided to go ahead, in her words, "i want to try everything they have. if i don't try it, i won't know, it could have been the one that helped." 

while we were sitting in the session waiting our turn to go through to the celestial room, she leaned in close to me and said, "i keep imagining i can see stephen there waiting for me behind the veil." i love that she knows that when her time comes, that he is there and will be waiting for her to take her hand as they spend eternity together. what a blessing it is to know that because of the sealing power in the temple, we know that families are forever. 

i have loved that we have been able to attend the temple so many times together over the years. ilove the time we get to spend together and seeing her so at peace in the house of the lord. what a blessing.