Wars and rumours of wars

The Bible speaks of wars and rumours of wars in Matthew 24, that will precede the second coming... and oh are we seeing these things come to pass. It was just six months ago that we saw the withdrawal of the US troops from Afghanistan, leaving them to fight their political unrest alone. 

Now we have seen Russia invade Ukraine and the situation continues to escalate. I know, exactly how blessed we are to be in a country where these things do not affect us personally, but the possibility of World War III looming on the horizon is very real and something that is causing horrendous amounts of anxiety for so many people. It is scary that this could in time, affect the entire world. Not just those countries, not just Europe, but eventually, all of us.

In these times, there seems that there is little and really nothing we can do. Thinking of it non stop only creates more anxiety for those prone to it. Reading the news articles and watching the reports has the same affect. I felt so hopeless and lost, as to anything I could do, when it seemed like even praying for relief and peace for these people was not enough. When my anxiety was at its worst, I saw this post on Instagram and it changed my thinking. It is the truth. Praying is the most we can do. The Lord hears us and understands us and knows of our pleas for ourselves and others. It is the best of all the things we can do to help, whether the world sees it that way or not.

So when I attended the temple on Saturday, I focused my thoughts to those suffering due to the issues in Ukraine at this time. I know the temple is the closest place to heaven on earth, so the best place to pray and be close to Heavenly Father. I always feel like the veil between heaven and earth is thinnest there and our prayers must be heard so much more clearly. 

Rosemary M Wixom once said that, "In the temple all feelings of inadequacy and imperfection begin to fade." I feel certain that the more I attend, the more my feelings of anxiety will too. The Lord knows our needs and will direct us when we try our utmost to be closer to Him. ❤ 

anxiety is normal

i have never been more comforted in my life than when i read this quote. simply for the fact that someone else posted it and first of all it was a reminder that anxiety is normal and i am not alone. i have crippling anxiety and a worldwide pandemic and uncertainty has certainly not helped the situation. there have been so many days when i have stressed and worried and sobbed over things that are out of my control and have triggered me but this made me feel so much better about it all. the fact that the gospel of jesus christ will remain unchanged is the most important thing of all and as we have been told time and time again, if we are prepared, we need not fear. i need to continue to simply do my best - and let the lord do the rest. 

 

spiritually minded

if this is in fact true, then it explains so very much. i have so often wondered why i react so much to the feelings of others and why people come to me when they are upset or need advice. it drives doug crazy actually... was that ***** on the phone again? what do they want noooow? 

the anxiety is so true as well. a few years ago - a friend with diagnosed anxiety was telling me about how it feels and all the issues she has and that was when i suddenly realised that i had anxiety. my whole life i had thought i just felt things so much more than other people and really that i was crazy. but then it all made sense and i realised it was something i actually couldn't control. since then i have been working harder to worry less about things i cannot control, and work on focusing on things i can. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. but it's a work in progress, just like me!

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Anxiety is more than just worrying.

Anxiety is the restless nights of sleep, as you toss and turn. It’s your brain never being able to shut off. It’s the thoughts you over-think before bedtime and all of your worst fears become a reality in dreams and nightmares.

It’s waking up tired even though your day just started.

Anxiety is learning how to function with sleep deprivation because it took you until 2 am to shut your eyes.

It’s every text you wonder ‘how do I word this properly?’ It’s a double or triple text in case you messed up. Anxiety is answering texts embarrassingly fast.

Anxiety is the time you spend waiting for an answer as a scenario plays out in your mind of what they could be thinking or are they mad?

Anxiety is an unanswered text that kills you inside even though you tell yourself, ‘maybe they’re busy or will answer later.’ Anxiety is that critical voice that says ‘maybe they’re deliberately ignoring you.’ It’s believing every negative scenario you can come up with.

Anxiety is waiting. It always feels like you’re waiting. It’s the inaccurate conclusions drawn as your mind takes off and you have no choice but to follow it’s destructive lead.

Anxiety is apologizing for things that don’t even require the words, ‘I’m sorry.’

Anxiety is self-doubt and a lack of confidence both in you, yourself and those around you. Anxiety is being hyper aware of everyone and everything. So much so, you can tell if there’s a shift in someone merely by their tone or word choice.

Anxiety is ruining relationships before they even begin. It tells you, ‘you’re wrong, they don’t like you, they’re going to leave.’ Then you jump to conclusions.

Anxiety is a constant state of worrying and panicking and being on the edge. It’s irrational fears. It’s thinking too much, it’s caring too much. Because the root of people with anxiety is caring.

It’s sweaty palms and a racing heart. But on the outside, no one can see it. You appear calm and at ease and smiling but underneath is anything but that. Anxiety is the art of deception for people who don’t know you. And for the people who do, it’s a constant stream of phrases like, ‘don’t worry’ or ‘you’re overthinking this’ or ‘relax.’ It’s friends listening to these conclusions you’ve drawn and not really understanding how you got there. But they’re there trying to support you, as things go from bad to worse in your mind.

Anxiety is wanting to fix something that isn’t even a problem.

It’s the stream of questions that make you doubt yourself.

Did I lock the door before I left?’

Did I turn off the stove?

Is the straightener still on?

It’s turning back around just to double check.

Anxiety is the uneasiness at a party because you think all eyes are on you and no one wants you there. Anxiety is that extra shot you take and it seems like you’re finally relaxing. Until you wake up the next day hungover, full of regret and wondering what you said to whom and do you owe them an apology?

Anxiety is the overcompensating and trying too hard to please people.

Anxiety is being everywhere on time because the thought of being late would put you over the edge.

Anxiety is the fear of failure and striving for perfection. Then beating yourself up when you fall short. It’s always needing a schedule or a plan.

Anxiety is that voice inside your head that’s saying ‘you’ll fail.’

It’s trying to exceed people’s expectations even if you’re killing yourself to do so. Anxiety is taking on more than you can handle just so you are distracted and not overthinking something.

Anxiety is procrastination because you’re paralyzed with fear of failing so you hold it off.

It’s the triggers that set you off.

It’s breaking down in private and crying when you’re overwhelmed but no one will ever see that side of you. Anxiety is picking up and trying again because the only thing worse than overcoming other people is overcoming you and your own demons.

It’s beating that critical voice that says, ‘you really fucked up.’ or ‘you should feel awful right now.’

Anxiety is the want and the need to control things because it feels like this thing in your life is outside of your control and you have to learn to live with it.

But more than anything anxiety is caring. It’s never wanting to hurt someone’s feelings. It’s never wanting to do something wrong. More than anything, it’s the want and need to simply be accepted and liked. So you try too hard sometimes.

And when you come across friends who begin to understand, they help you through it.

Then you realize this might be a battle you face every day but it’s one you won’t have to face alone.

Photo: Melrose Boyer

anxiety overload

it is not something i go around telling people, so unless you know me really well, you'd probably never know. but i have super bad anxiety. crippling in fact. the last few months and the state of the world around us have certainly not helped. everyone that suffers from anxiety feels it differently, but some days i feel like i have my head in a vice. for me, something little can set me off, like not getting an answer to a text message, realising i have something i didn't do, that something is broken or missing... i really can't pinpoint it, but little things get me going. the worst bit is, the constant analysing of every word i say when a conversation is over. you better believe that if you've ever had a conversation with me and i've been awkward (which i can guarantee you i have, even if you don't think i have been, i do) i will be replaying every word over and over in my head, groaning about what i could have said and done differently. 

it is a constant thing. i worry about strange things. if i get a call from someone out of the blue, i worry about what i could have said or done to offend them. it makes me feel like bad things constantly happen to me. it makes it hard for me to have great friendships, unless i really trust people and know they understand me, to be a good mother - cause i am always on edge and struggle to be calm and present even though i love my children madly. 

but i am trying every single day to master this and make myself stronger. please have patience with me and try to understand what it is like to live inside my head. because i am trying my hardest.

i have read two great articles in the last few months, that helped me to understand the way i feel and how i can grow and be stronger. so, if you want to know what it's like to be inside my head, have a read of these:

the trials we carry with us by elisha ransom

anxiety makes me think everything is my fauly by b.l. acker

struggles with depression and anxiety: a young womens lesson

there have been so many struggles within and around lately, stemming from depression and anxiety. it is such a huge thing, with so many people feeling it's effects. in fact, did you know that the average second grader suffers from the same amount of anxiety as a committed patient did in the 1950's? Isn't that incredible? and so frightening! i thought it was time we talked about it with the young women and gave them some coping mechanisms(or distractions!) and made sure that they know it's very real and very normal.

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I want to speak to you all of you girls today about something that’s very real and very hard in our lives. Most of you at some stage in your life will encounter some form of anxiety and/ or depression. If you are lucky enough for it to never affect you, then undoubtedly it will affect someone you know.

Jeffrey R Holland spoke about it at general conference a few years ago, in a talk called: Like a brokenvessel. I have a small video of him talking about it here (we watched 3:15-3:59, but if you have time watch the whole thing - it's so good) 

In life and the universe, there is opposition in all things. Health and sickness, happiness and sadness, pleasure and pain, sweet and sour, light and darkness. Darkness is something most often associated with depression, because it can feel as though you are being swallowed by darkness. If any of you have read Harry Potter, JK Rowling used the dementors to describe the crippling depression she had encountered, something cold and dark, that sucked the life out of you and made it feel as though you’d never be happy again.

Have any of you ever felt anxious, or depressed? There is no shame in it. I want you to all close your eyes for a moment. Okay, now raise your hands if you’ve ever felt either one. (Every single girl in our class raised their hand.)

So. Often we can feel as though we are stuck in the darkness. Can you girls think about it for a moment and tell me what the very best thing is to get rid of darkness. Thinkinnnnnng. There is literally only one thing. LIGHT.

Martin Luther King once said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness. Only light can do that.” So what can we do, to reduce the effects of darkness? Fill our lives with light. Most importantly, the light of the gospel. The atonement covers so many things. Did you know, that we can call upon the power of the atonement to cover more than just our sins? That we can ask our Saviour to help us with the pains of sadness? Loneliness? Depression? Anxiety? Well we can. It’s not just there for sins. Having depression and anxiety, is certainly not a sin, but it is there for that too!

We need to be kind because everyone we meet is fighting some kind of battle. I’m sure you’ve all heard of people speaking to plants? That talking to them helps them grow etc? Well. If talking nicely to plants helps them grow, imagine what speaking nicely to humans can do. There was once an experiment done when someone showed the effects of kind and negative words on things and I would love to show you. I am sure you’ve all heard the hymn “Let us oft speak kind words” so here is a real life demo. 

Rice video.

So. Wow right? See what kind of effect words can have? The rice is cooked in water, human bodies are made up of 50-60% water.

When I was the ward relief society president, there was a certain sister whose struggles were made known to me. She was incredibly private, didn’t wish to discuss them, nor have any one else discuss them. She didn’t want help. She wanted to be left alone with them. I was rightly worried for her and didn’t want to see her struggle. But over the weeks that followed, something amazing happened. She found someone else who was struggling more than her. Who needed her. Who she was able to serve… and through serving, forgot about her own struggles and managed to lift herself out of the darkness. Serving others is an amazing blessing. Sometimes I think it’s almost selfish to do so, as it’s so wonderful for us to reap the benefits.

What are some things we can do to distract ourselves from problems we might be facing? What can we do to fill our lives with light?

Here’s a list I prepared earlier and you get to keep them for days that you may need a distraction.

I also have 8 things for you to remember during your hardest days: 

8.    There is always, always, always something to be thankful for.

I love that last one so much. When you focus on what you are thankful for, it is much harder to think of the things that stress and upset you. I would highly recommend thinking of things you are grateful for when the darkness is coming in.

I want to read you a wonderful quote, in fact it’s from my favourite talk ever. Written before even I was born! (You can read the entire thing here)

"A few years ago, we knew our Elder Brother and our Father in heaven well. We rejoiced at the upcoming opportunity for earth life that could make it possible for us to have a fullness of joy like they had. We could hardly wait to demonstrate to our Father and our Brother, the Lord, how much we loved them and how we would be obedient to them in spite of the earthly opposition of the evil one.

And now we’re here—our memories are veiled—and we’re showing God and ourselves what we can do. And nothing is going to startle us more when we pass through the veil to the other side than to realize how well we know our Father and how familiar his face is to us. And then, as President Brigham Young said, we’re going to wonder why we were so stupid in the flesh.

God loves us. He’s watching us, he wants us to succeed, and we’ll know someday that he has not left one thing undone for the eternal welfare of each of us. If we only knew it, there are heavenly hosts pulling for us—friends in heaven that we can’t remember now, who yearn for our victory. This is our day to show what we can do—what life and sacrifice we can daily, hourly, instantly bring to God. If we give our all, we will get his all from the greatest of all."

Did you hear that girls? We literally have people on the other side of the veil cheering us on. Hoping we make it through our trials. Yearning for our victory. We are never, ever alone. Our Father in Heaven is watching us, beside us, holding us, every step of the way. He is waiting for us to call on him and ask for his help.

In closing, I want to leave you with one last video. I want you to think first. If you had to think of who the most righteous women in the whole world are, who would you say? In MY opinion it would be the general relief society presidency and board. You would think that they have it all. Not problems, just perfect wholesome lives. But recently they made a video showing that they are just like us. They all have their struggles.

"Just Like You"

Girls. I pray you never have to deal with huge emotional and mental struggles, but I am realistic and understand it’s a possibility. I truly hope you can find ways to cope, distract yourself or help another during hard times. I have a little handout for you and I feel this quote is perfect for this lesson. A very wise man called Albus Dumbledore once said: Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light. (Can we found at the top of this post, I handed it to the girls in a little cellophane bag with a tealight candle each - to create their own light.)

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i feel like the lesson went really well, they were all certainly very attentive for once, so hopefully it will have the desired effect. i had popcorn for the treat, explaining that popcorn starts as something hard that we cannot enjoy, until it suffers through heat and comes out completely different, ready to be enjoyed. hopefully suffering through trials can make us something great too.