it is not something i go around telling people, so unless you know me really well, you'd probably never know. but i have super bad anxiety. crippling in fact. the last few months and the state of the world around us have certainly not helped. everyone that suffers from anxiety feels it differently, but some days i feel like i have my head in a vice. for me, something little can set me off, like not getting an answer to a text message, realising i have something i didn't do, that something is broken or missing... i really can't pinpoint it, but little things get me going. the worst bit is, the constant analysing of every word i say when a conversation is over. you better believe that if you've ever had a conversation with me and i've been awkward (which i can guarantee you i have, even if you don't think i have been, i do) i will be replaying every word over and over in my head, groaning about what i could have said and done differently.
it is a constant thing. i worry about strange things. if i get a call from someone out of the blue, i worry about what i could have said or done to offend them. it makes me feel like bad things constantly happen to me. it makes it hard for me to have great friendships, unless i really trust people and know they understand me, to be a good mother - cause i am always on edge and struggle to be calm and present even though i love my children madly.
but i am trying every single day to master this and make myself stronger. please have patience with me and try to understand what it is like to live inside my head. because i am trying my hardest.
i have read two great articles in the last few months, that helped me to understand the way i feel and how i can grow and be stronger. so, if you want to know what it's like to be inside my head, have a read of these:
