oli's haircut

this is one of the saddest things that has ever happened to me. doug's mum, for as long as i have known her, had had super long and thick hair. she loved her hair and was so proud of it. she would always have it neatly tied back and twisted into a knot and tied in place with a scrunchie or a scarf or a clip of some type, but she would never, ever cut it. but with the radiation and alllll of the chemo, her hair has been thinning and thinning and now is finally falling out. we knew the radiation would make it happen, but what saddens me the most is that she was so calm about it. 

we finally had to make the call and cut it all short at the back as it was basically a rat's tail that was left. so today, i got the scissors and carefully cut it short as she sat calmly on the couch. i was devastated, but she remained calm. it's honestly as though she has accepted whatever has and may yet happen. it's so sad to see for all of us as we never want to say goodbye, but as she grows weaker, we know it is a possibility. 

 

extended hospital stay

it's been a hard few weeks with everything going on with doug's mum. she is sick and not getting better. she was admitted to hospital because it got to the point where she just couldn't eat... which it turns out was from a tumour that is effectively blocking any food from reaching her stomach. any thing she eats pushes at it, which has in turn cause some internal bleeding a she is not receiving any sustenance. they have fitted her with a tube and are feeding her directly to her stomach by that is obviously not going to work long term. she has had to give up work and that's what upsets her the most. she loves to be busy and loves her job, so that was one of the hardest things for her, but she is simply not strong enough anymore.

 her specialist met with douglas and i and gave us the options and there is not a lot. he has decided (with her permission) to do radiation in an attempt to shrink the tumor and enable her to start eating again. this will be for a few days kin a row and then a break, for a few weeks in a row. i don't know what the answer is, but i do know that her doctor has been incredible. he is so compassionate and takes as much time with us as we need, regardless of where he needs to be and who might be waiting for him. he is truly a wonderful man. this is all so overwhelming and i have to admit, it got to the point where i asked him point blank how long we will have with her. obviously that's an impossible thing to work out, but he said we might have 6 months, we might have more... we just need to make the most of every minute with her and look after her as best as we can.

and enjoy our visits to the hospital like this dude... in the sun lounges outside from oli's room...

and these guys who decided to have a nap on grandma's bed while we visited. it's obviously comfortable enough haha.

oh how i wish there was more we could do. but we just have to go with the options we have. we love her and don't want to let her go... but we need to also be realistic and brace ourselves for whenever that day may come.