so loved

we often stop by to visit stephen's grave, so oli can say hello and spend a little time chatting to him. i love the way she speaks as though he is there with us and tells him all about what's been going on. it was especially cute when she asked me to show him a photo of doug's new car. that was gold. 

i know he watches out for us and has had a hand in things... there is no way his estate could have been settled in that short an amount of time without some form of divine intervention!

but it's nice to spend a little time in the quiet with him and let him know how much he is loved and missed ❤

steve's headstone

last week we went out to pinnaroo as a family and put stephen's headstone in place. we had it made up by a local woodworking company owned by a friend of ours, who has recently started to etch on acrylic as well as wood, and surprise - now marble too! we had ordered acrylic and when doug arrived to collect it, there it was in marble. we are so, so happy with it and think it is the most wonderful tribute to him.

we had it done up in time for his birthday and gave it to oli then - she was so touched. traditionally in her samoan culture, they wait for the one year anniversary of the passing to unveil the headstone, but we felt like now was a good time. we chose her favourite photo of stephen (which had also been on the cover of the funeral booklet) and a photo of the new zealand temple where they were sealed... then when the proof was sent to us, our friend had added an outline of new zealand in the middle to complete it. we couldn't have asked for anything better, it was just perfect.

so now he is here, rest peacefully with a beautiful marker, for those who come to see him. the sun was setting right as doug finally got it in place and it was a really special moment for all of us.

alex was trying to help (trying being the correct word) and kept flinging dirt straight back onto the headstone as doug would clean it off again and it was so funny. the kids chat away to stephen whenever we visit as though he is still there and i love that they got to have him around them for so long, to have such a special bond with him. all of this happened because dougs parents were brave enough to make the move here to perth and we have been grateful every day since. 

we miss him terribly, but he's still here with us in our hearts.

happy heavenly birthday

steve would have been 66 today. instead he gets to be seniors card age forever, while he rests peacefully on. what we wouldn't give for one more birthday with you, but we all know you're in the best place possible waiting patiently until we are all reunited. 

we had birthday dinner in his honour, complete with chocolate cake (which my mother in law, who doesn't often offer praise, absolutely loved) and even sang happy birthday to him as madeline insisted on holding his photo in his honour. it is hard to believe it has been 4 months without him already, but i really feel like he has remained here and watched over us. all of the extra money that's appeared with his finalised insurances and accounts, and times when we think of him at random moments... he's definitely around us.

well old man. we love you and we are always thinking of you... 

-when alex fitted his new all blacks onesie that was already too small for joseph when you bought it

-when joseph threw a fit last week when something wasn't just right

-when oli called to ask how to put oil in her car

and when i saw a great covid-19 meme about ducks.

stay safe up there, cause your memories are safe with us.

sundays are for family

sundays are for family... so sometimes that means driving to pinnaroo valley after church to see poppy steve. i love that the kids still talk about him so much and hope that doesn't go away as i want alex to know him like the others do. they rake the leaves off of his grave, chat to him and always look for flowers that don't have a grave to put with him.

we miss him so much even though we know he is safe, so being near him is good for all of us.

a family is forever - and we are making sure ours will be. 

stephen's funeral

yesterday we said our last goodbye to stephen as we laid him to rest at the pinnaroo valley memorial park.  i had spoken to him about what he wanted for his funeral in the weeks leading up to his death and i can honestly say that more love went into his funeral than any other i have ever arranged in all my years at the funeral homes i worked in.

he wanted it to be simple. no fuss. just family and some friends, celebrating his life. no misery and as many laughs as we could muster. with oliveta's samoan background, a body would normally be taken to the family home for a few days where all of us would sleep around the body and spend time with it, but he didn't want that. instead, the night before all of our family gathered together at the funeral home with his open coffin and each spoke about what he meant to us. it was a beautiful, special and an intimate final time for all of us. we had also gone as an immediate family a few days earlier to dress him before he was placed in his coffin.

after our time on thursday evening, when we closed the coffin, dominique deliberately left one of the coffin screws slightly off centre, just to annoy him one more time. it entertained us all to no end when the coffin arrived at the chapel which was the best part.

at the funeral service we had a lot of family input. madeline sang a prelude item, "i feel my saviours love" and then spoke during the service.

God saw you were getting tired

and when a cure was not to be

He wrapped his arms around you

and whispered “come to me”

Hi my name is Madeline and I loved my poppy very much. He has been sick for a very long time, but he always had time to laugh with my brothers and I.

On New Year’s Eve, our family went to the hospital to have a party with poppy. We had so much fun, we listened to ACDC, popped party poppers, had glow sticks, ate pizza, drank sparkling juice and played games. It was the best! 

I’m so glad we got to spend that last time with him before we said goodbye. I miss him so much, but I know he’s not sick anymore, so I’m happy for him. 

I am going to read a little poem to remember him with. It’s called “Miss Me But Let Me Go.”

When I come to the end of the road

And the sun has set for me

I want no tears in a gloom-filled room

Why cry for a soul set free?

Miss me a little-but not too long

And not with your head bowed low

Remember the laughs that we once shared

Miss me-but let me go

For this is a journey that we all must take

And each must go alone.

It's all part of the Master's plan

A step on the road back home

When you are lonely and sad in your heart

With time, things get better, you know

Remember me, as you laugh each day

Miss me but let me go

I love you Poppy and I’ll never forget you.

I promise Joseph and I will tell Alex all about you.

Love, Maddie.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. 

 i sang "where can i turn for peace?" which i somehow made it through... who knows how, but i felt so good being able to do one more thing for him. 

douglas gave the eulogy, which was just right. it explained him perfectly, which helped a lot of people who hadn't ever been able to get to know him the way we had.

For those of you who don't know my wife Jade, she worked for many years as a funeral director. I remember she once told me that a funeral is just like a wedding. You have your flowers, your groomsmen (or in this case, your pallbearers) and the coffin is your expensive dress. So, dad - I hope you like your new dress!

Stephen Douglas Kendall was born in Gisborne, New Zealand on the 6^th of May,1954, to Evan and Louisa Kendall. He was the oldest of three, with two younger sisters, Paula and Wanda. He always wanted to be a truck driver, from when he was a child. His mother wasn’t impressed with that and told him he had better go and learn a trade, so he became a carpenter. When he was 25 he travelled to Western Samoa for work, for Craig Construction. He loved the island life and became comfortable there, even finding himself a wife! Mum and Dad were married and I arrived in 1980. We moved back to NZ when I was still a baby – then became a family of 4 when my sister Dominique arrived in 1989. On the move again, we moved to Brisbane in 1991, dad first, to set us up and then the rest of us joined him.

Life was good to him there, we built a family home and he was working as a spreader driver for Allens Asphalt. Dad lived and breathed for that place. He loved his trucks and he loved his job. When we contacted Brad Allen a few weeks back to let him know about dad he wrote back something I’d love to share: "Your Dad was the most loyal and hard working out of all the people who have ever worked for me and he was only one of two employees who passed the 10 year mark. I miss those years at Allens we had such a great crew and plenty of fond memories. Tell him to stay positive to the end as he will live on in his family and friends memories always."

He was well known and liked at Allens, earning himself a great reputation amongst the staff and the nickname “LEGEND.” His work spoke for itself, meticulously finished, he took great pride in presenting all he did. If someone said it couldn’t be done, he’d be off to prove them wrong.

Mum and Dad moved to Perth in 2015, to be closer to family. Everything fell into place piece by piece and he said that was a sure sign it was the right move. He was happy with their new place, settled into work at Boral and was happy here spending time with family, especially his ratbag grandkids. One of his proudest moments was when Dominique returned from her mission and married Bryan. He said walking her down the aisle was something he had waited his whole life for and you couldn’t wipe the smile off his face that entire day.

As life would have it though, things became harder for him, from that time on. He was first diagnosed with cancer in 2012, which he overcame, only to have it return mid 2016. This time it was harder for him, the cancer more aggressive and he struggled to keep well. We watched him go from being the toughest bloke we knew, to relying on others, which he hated, as it got worse and worse. He was admitted to hospital time and time again, with the doctors baffled by how things progressed. But, it was his time. He was admitted for a final time in late November, moved to the Palliative Room on New Years Eve, where we began the new year as a family, and he left us on January 3^rd. He fought so hard to stay, made all kinds of plans for the future, but it just wasn’t to be. Mum, my sister and I were so lucky to be able to be with him as he took his final breaths. We know of the promise of our family being sealed for eternity and take comfort in knowing we will one day be together again.

Although he wasn’t able to attend church much over the past few years due to his illness, he knew of the truth of the gospel. We found a piece of paper in his room after he passed that read, FAITH: to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see. Well dad, we cannot see you any longer, but I am certain you have gone to a better place. A place where you are whole again, and can finally get back to work.

Dad was so fiercely independent, he hated not being able to work. He often lamented that he felt useless and just wanted to “get back to it.” We wanted that for you dad. He was so proud of his family, he would always tell us how proud he was of all we did, but wasn’t afraid to tell us when we were being tools either.

Dad was a proud and hardworking man, with a love for three things: classic rock, anything with an engine and bad jokes.

His facebook profile “about me” still reads: I like rock music. Real rock. Not that modern crap. He loved to spend his days listening to his rock, but his all-time favourite was his precious AC/DC. He loved Bon Scott and was so excited when we showed him his special memorial area at the Fremantle Cemetery and his statue at the Fremantle Fishing Boat Harbour. During his final weeks, his greatest joy was listening to music on his portable speaker just loud enough to not receive noise complaints from other members of the hospital ward. Music was life to him. Back in his younger days he could be found listening to his music collection or playing a guitar. He had a very extensive collection of music, all rock.

Dad’s dream was always to own a Harley Davidson motorbike. It’s all he ever wanted. But every time the opportunity arose, he always found somewhere else the money was needed. He was forever putting our family first. We’ve found a way to make his dream come true today as he will be escorted on his final journey by two nice and loud motorbikes as we make our way to the Pinnaroo Valley Memorial Park.

Back in his younger years he restored quite a few vehicles and brought them back to life. He took great delight in telling us that a few of them were purchased by members of the mongrel mob in New Zealand. He just loved grease and petrol and keeping his hands busy. In the final weeks of his life, he went downhill so quickly, becoming so weak and I know the thing that hurt the most was no longer being able to use his hands. He struggled knowing he had always been able to keep busy, doing things all the time and hated relying on others to do everything for him.

Our family will forever be thankful for the team at Sir Charles Gairdner Hospital for the amazing care he received. Their staff on his ward are truly the best of the best. They always had kind words for dad, a smile and stacks of extra jelly in every colour. The nurses loved dad, he would joke with them and mess about. “Mr Kendall, How are you today?” “Ugh, not again.” “Mr Kendall did you have any other questions?” “Yes. Do these windows open?”

Dad, my life will not be the same without you in it. You were my greatest friend and the one person who was always ready with a joke, mostly at my expense. I know you were so proud of me and I’ll always try to live up to that. We all miss you, but know that you’re somewhere, probably having a jam with Bon Scott or working on another car.

We’d like to leave you today with dad’s favourite joke. It’s terrible, barely funny and straight up silly, but we promised we would tell it one last time.

A duck walks into a bar and asks the barman, “got any bread?”

“No?” says the barman

Next day the duck comes back and asks the barman again, “got any bread?”

“No” says the barman

The next day he comes in again. “Got any bread?”

“NO,” says the barman. “Now get out here before I nail your beak to the bar!”

“Got any nails?” asked the duck.

“No,” says the bartender.

“Got any bread?”

*******************************

as you read above - steve's whole life, all he wanted was a harley. he had spoken to us about it time and time again, and then something would always come up and it would go on the back burner again. for this reason, i wanted to make his dream a reality as we said goodbye to him. i contacted a local charity motorcycle club in a wild hope that they would possibly be able to help us by sending two of their members to escort him on his finally journey. to my absolute amazement they said yes! and were there with two shining harleys at the end of the service. nothing made me more emotional the whole day than watching them ride away escorting him.

stephen's escort on the way to pinnaroo cemetery. 

when we arrived at the grave, they waited for our pallbearers to carry the coffin across and then made a lot of noise as they rode away leaving us to have our burial. it was a perfect tribute.

  

stephens pallbearers were:

douglas (son)

bryan (son-in-law)

james (douglas's best friend, from childhood and still)

stephen (a friend from church who was there for him particularly at the end)

salevana (brother-in-law)

gerard (a cousin)

at the conclusion of the graveside service, dominique and i draped the lace cloth that had been covering his coffin over his coffin in the grave. it was a beautiful moment for us and looked really lovely to those who were there. we also threw pieces of asphalt into the grave which was such a cute goodbye, knowing that that had been such a huge piece of his life. we had also asked him to pick the songs for this part of the service and we had "back in black" by acdc, (we had to talk him out of highway to hell hahah), "old man" by neil young and he had jokingly told us he wanted "macho man" by the village people, so we did that too. i am sure he would have had a giggle about it.

(update - february 2020

we ended up selling stephen's car to his friend stephen from church and he told us a couple of days later that instead of throwing his piece of asphalt into the grave, he had slipped it into his pocket instead. it is now in the side pocket in the car and he gets to ride around with him all day every day. we thought that was so special.)

it was such a special day and truly the perfect goodbye. we were so grateful to have had so many family members here with us, even if that is what delayed the funeral taking place sooner. it was worth the wait. one of the most special parts was watching baby alexander james hanging out with his uncle james. i'm so glad they had the chance to meet, even in a time like this. 

my father-in-law

there are only a few days until we will lay stephen to rest - but i wanted to share a little more about him here before that happens.

he was the manliest man you would ever meet. no airs or graces. just man. he was always busy, tinkering around in the garage, cleaning something or sweeping up. he was such a hard worker and i know it killed him to have to give up work when he got too unwell, and to eventually lose the movement in his hands at the end. being so fiercely independent made it so hard for him to ask others for help, even when the time came that he had to. he appreciated the doctors and nurses at sir charles gairdner hospital so much and always spoke so highly of them and their care. they really made him feel welcome and comfortable during his time there.

he had an undeniable love for classic rock. he always spoke about classic rock. not this "new crap" the old, real music. ac/dc was his all time favourite and he never ever let this one go... years and years ago when i first began working in the funeral industry i was walking from one of the funeral chapels to the main gate when i had a man approach me asking me if i knew where he could find bon scott. i answered saying,"um, does he work here?" turns out, which i had no idea of at the time, he was the lead singer of his precious ac/dc and has a special memorial area at the fremantle cemetery. he made sure to tell that story to anyone who would listen, at any opportunity he got.

he loved his grandchildren like mad. even though they drove him nuts touching things and moving things and being children, he was crazy about them. he loved to tell them stories about poop and farts and make them giggle loudly at the most inappropriate times.

when baby alex arrived, steve only had eyes for him and was given the immense pleasure of being the first one to see him walk when i had popped out to the car one day... he didn't do it again for a few weeks!

he told me a few times in the past months that he would love us to have one more baby - "a little girl!" he said, "i have always loved little girls!" oliveta keeps reminding me of that and telling me stephen said i need to have one more baby, but i think doug will take a lot more convincing! i love this photo of him and baby madeline, i have never seen him more happy in his life than when he became a grandfather.

he was so, so proud of doug and told me over and over how glad he was for the choices he had made in life and how lucky he was to have married me. he certainly knew how to make me feel good about myself.

he could be very wishy-washy about the church and the dedication it took to remain strong, but i know in his final days he was ready to return to his heavenly father. he spoke to us about the importance of remaining faithful and i know he wants that for his family and children, to be part of their eternal family and remain sealed to him and oliveta in the eternities. i will be so happy to be there with him.

above all, he gave me endless amounts of crap. it was like it was his life mission to tease me and we both loved it. he would remind me frequently about how he didn't like me when he first met me and wasn't that impressed, until i matched his sarcasm with my own, answered him back and gave it back as much as he was handing it out. it was then he realised he was stuck with me. i remember well that he always said his favourite shirt was the one that said, "international sarcasm society. like we need your support." 

he loved opshopping as much as i did and loved it when i would take him with me. we would hunt out bargains together and loved showing them off to our equally unimpressed spouses when we returned from our trips. in fact, he still owes me 3 opshop trips and you better believe i will be taking them out of his estate. lol. i wish. but i also know if i did, he would be even more proud of me.

he always spoke so fondly of his younger years and his time in new zealand. i know more than anything he wanted to return there to visit one last time and i know he will be there with us every step of the way, when we have our family holiday there in a few years time. he asked us over and over near the end if we would go for him.

most of all, i love the way he cared for his wife. he did all the little things for her. made sure her car was ready, provided for her and was all a strong husband should be. i am so grateful he was a fine example for my husband, who works just as hard and provides for our family too.

steve and oli, young and in love in samoa. he would always tell us the stories of his life in samoa too and recalled them with such fondness. i know he would have loved to have made it back there too.

it's hard to believe that this little guy grew up to be all of that, but i am so grateful that i got to be a part of his life for so long. steve, i will always love you. i am so grateful i got you as my bonus father and will miss you each and every day. ❤

stephen kendall 1954-2020

stephen douglas kendall 

1954 - 2020

with great sadness, we announce the passing of stephen douglas kendall on the 3rd january 2020 after a long fight with an aggressive form of cancer.

steve was a hardworking, dedicated man, who loved his family and classic rock. he will be remembered for his terrible jokes and for fighting until the very end.

**************

today was a wonderful reminder about how you should never, ever postpone a prompting. after being removed from all forms of medication on new years eve, (even the antibiotics which the drs said would keep him well, but never make him better) steve began to have trouble breathing yesterday and started to experience a lot of pain. in the palliative room, it is asked that a family member remain with the patient at all times and dougs sister had stayed by steves side.

as the day went on he slept for longer and longer periods time and began to space out... and overnight started to gasp for air as he slept. in the early hours of the morning, he started to suffer a lot with pain from his condition and cried out a few times. doug and his mum had arrived at her hospital for her to be hooked up to her chemotherapy treatment only to receive a call from dominique saying that the nurses had asked for them to make their way to stephen and to hurry as it wouldn't be long before he was gone. she was quickly unhooked so they could race over.

what a wonderful blessing it was that they just so "happened" (i do not think there is any such thing as a coincidence) to be nearby and were able to make it to the hospital to say goodbye. stephen was able to be surrounded by his wife and his children as he took his final breaths and i feel certain that would have been such a comfort to him.

i was so blessed to have had the most wonderful father in law who i know loved me so much. one of the final things he ever said to me was "don't you ever feel like you are not an important part of this family. you belong as much as the rest of us and i am so glad to have you as my daughter. i love you." i had been trying to give him a little privacy at the time so he was laughing as he told me off, but his words still meant so much to me. i was the lucky one.

rest in peace my favourite father-in-law. i was so lucky to be loved by you.

new years eve in the hospital

doug's dad has been sick for a really time. he's had a form of cancer called mutiple myeloma, which affects his bone marrow. he was initially diagnosed back in 2012 and after treatments was cleared for a few years until he relapsed in august of 2016. the doctors have been trying their hardest to help, including trying multiple drugs that could have made a difference, but just last week they gave him the news that there was nothing else they could do to help him. he's always been such a private person, that i felt it wasn't appropriate to be sharing his sickness here and have just carried it with me, but seeing as this could well be the end, i want it to be here in my journal, for my children and our family to read one day.

we had been asked to a party at a friends house for new years eve, but when we got the news that stephen would be transferred to the palliative room at the hospital on new years eve, i had a really strong impression that that was where we needed to be. we rounded the kids up, packed snacks and picked up pizza on the way to have with our sparkling grape juice. we even packed some games and some party poppers to make sure the party would be rocking. haha.

steve was so happy to see us. he smiled, laughed and joked with the kids... and even insisted that i take this shot of him with his "alcohol" at the best party he'd ever been to. he was a crack up. after some photos with the kids and all of us he was pretty tired and drifted off, so we snuck out a little before midnight.

so blessed to be able to make beautiful memories with this great man. ❤