we are clean!

finally after a week, we have test results! there is no whooping cough here... thank goodness. we can leave the house again and be normal human beings haha.

first item on the agenda was leaving the house of course, so we all walked up to the local shops to post a package to sister kendall. all we really got out of  her on sunday was how cold she is, so we sent her a big jacket (which is now thirdhand sister missionary), a scarf, some more shoes, some treats, a painting from madeline... and some other bits and bobs. hopefully she will have it soon. it's not bad though, going airmail from perth, they have said it's only between 3-10 working days. not bad at all.

now to wash all the linen in the house seeing as he is finally feeling better. a mothers work is never done.

why you shouldn't travel with children

there a million reasons why you shouldn't travel with children. we got home today after 18 days away and i am very ready to tell you a few of them.

1. so much luggage. 3 suitcases, 2 car seats, a pram, a cot, and a carry on each. i am sure you can imagine that there was even more on the way home... 

2. they can't sit still. 6 hour flights? somebody shoot me

3. they can't be quiet. i told madeline i had changed my name and wasn't going to be mummy anymore, so then i had to hear why? why? why? instead

4. everywhere you go, you have to take a bag. a big one. nappies, wipes, toys, water, change of clothes... to start with

5. they don't want to sleep. ever. if they fall asleep for a minute, they might miss something important.

6. they never want to eat anything you put in front of them. "i don't like that."

7. they won't go to anyone but you. "i don't want you. i don't like you. i want my mummmm!" luckily nanna has 4 children and 7 other grandchildren and wasn't offended

8. you can't do all the fun stuff. no mountain climbing, no volcanic crater exploring, so sliding rocks... but let's play in the playground... yay.

9. they can't keep their clothes clean. insert washing every day of our holiday here.

10. they get sick. joseph cut a tooth the first day we were gone, vomited all except for maybe one day, both kids got heat rash and madeline had a fever.

but...

1. they are the cutest

2. the sweetest

3. the cuddliest

4. the best

5. i can't deal with being away from them for more than an hour

6. their smiles make me smile

7. their laughs make me overjoyed

8. when they are asleep in my arms i forget every single thing about them that ever annoyed me

9. i love their little clothes and shoes and feet and toes and hands and faces and everything

10. it would not have been even the littlest bit of fun without them. i wouldn't have even considered leaving them behind. i love my babies and i can't live without them.

but anyone that's ever traveled with children will read this, laugh and say - yep. that's exactly why. why you shouldn't travel with children.

i'm just a mother

being the primary music leader i don't often get to go to relief society at all, but today i obviously arrived at the perfect time, and got so much out of the lesson! the lesson was about the blessings of motherhood and sometimes it's something we need to hear. 

the sister giving the lesson read from a book called "i am a mother" by jane clayson johnson (which you can buy here... but she so kindly loaned to me to read.) johnson tells of how she had a promising career in television and was watched by millions each day in her job as an anchor on a major network, but gave it up after following a prompting to do so, to be a mother. she met many "you must be crazy's" and even a little ridicule from co-workers, who assured her she would never again be given the opportunity she had. but it didn't matter, motherhood is an opportunity not given to all, which also must be taken when you have the chance.

she attended a function with her husband on one occasion and was asked, along with the other couples attending to introduce herself. she recalls listening as each woman got up beside their husband, and offered a little about themselves, most saying almost apologetically, "oh, i'm just a mother" "my life isn't very exciting right now, i'm just raising our children" or something of the likes. even before the excerpt from the book was finished i already knew what was wrong. there is no such thing as just a mother.

i have been guilty of that myself, when asked, i often tell people i am on maternity leave from my position in the funeral home where i have worked for almost the last ten years and i am trying to decide if i will return to work. or i simply say, i am a funeral director. never, "i am a mother." there's certainly no shame in being a mother and i know that, but it seems to be the way of the world to not want to be "just" that. i right then and there made a mental note to tell the next person who asked, "i am a mother."

there have been many times when i have asked young children what they want to be when they grow up. most tell of something outrageous... i think last time i asked my daughter madeline, she wanted to be a princess, the time before, an ice dancer, (we had just been to disney on ice, mind you) and the time before that a doctor (i am fairly certain we were playing with a doctors kit that day.) but every time i have asked my niece grace (by name and nature...) she has always answered that she wants to be a mother. even before i had children, i knew this was the most beautiful answer. i remember the day her father laid his hands upon her head to give her a blessing and told her she would one day be a mother. it was such a simple, but beautiful promise for her.

not all women are mothers directly to children they have grown in their womb or given birth to. we know of the blessings of adoption, of fostering... and for those not blessed with children, of being an example to nieces and nephews, young cousins and the children of other family members and close friends. it has often been said that "it takes a village to raise a child" and i must admit, with the love and support shown within the confines of the gospel, i think it often takes a ward to raise a child.  

being blessed with two children of my own, i have never felt the pain of not being blessed with children, that i know is only too real for so many women. i admire those who have not been blessed with children that do not allow it to consume them. that do not allow it to make them bitter, as i do not know if i could be so strong. i am thankful for those who have that to bear, yet show kindness and love to the children of others amongst that pain. 

i know some days i find myself muttering under my breath when my children are being difficult. some days i even find myself wishing they weren't there, only to feel terribly guilty two minutes later because i can't even imagine life without them. but being a mum isn't always easy. sometimes it's horrid. no one tells you about how hard it will be. it's not always smiles and laughter and pretty clothes. sometimes it's being awake all night, cleaning up after sickness, hearing your name being called 5000000000000 times (i don't even know if that's enough zeros) in one day, tantrums, mess, jealousy and many other things. but like any mother, i'll take them all, for even 5 minutes of my babies in my lap sleeping, laughing or just being with me.

i am a mother. it's hard. but it's worth it.

my mother's day...

this year brought my first mothers day with two kids. me. i have two kids. and i haven't killed or seriously injured either one of them yet, i guess that brings a cause for celebration, i'm actually doing okay at this whole mum thing! i have always wondered about these people who say that their kids are their whole life... i love my children and wouldn't give them up for anything in the world, but they are certainly not my whole life. i am a realistic mother (i think...) i love to look at them, spend time with them, be around them, cuddle them, play with them, read to them, sing to them, laugh with them... but i am many other things besides a mum. (i am a wife too and my husband deserves a lot of my time and attention too, after all without him i wouldn't have children would i?)  being a mum takes up more than my time than anything else though, so i am glad they give us mums a day to celebrate...

i got some lovely chocolates (lindt raspberries and cream - if you haven't tried them you need to... run, don't walk - they might sell out - to me - in the meantime!) new pyjamas, with babushkas on the pants - wayyyy cute, and a bunch of irises, my absolute favourite flowers and the only ones i really enjoy having in the house. they are so lovely, my husband knows well what ones i like. good boy.

and these two babes gave me kisses and cuddles all the day long... poor joseph doesn't have a choice, he is exclusively breastfed, so he is in my arms most of the day and i just kept smooching him, and for once maddie was very obliging. she made me a card in her nursery class at church and then got mad because i wanted to keep it. so funny. i love the way little minds think (most of the time...!) 

sometimes i get sick of hearing mummy mummy mummymummymummy all day long and sometimes i want to hide under the sheets for the day, but these little people are the light of my life and sometimes when i see them sleeping i have an overwhelming desire to wake them up for cuddles. then i remember what a dumb thing that would be to do and keep cleaning the house, or cooking, or blogging, or doing washing in the very short time i will have to myself. haha. i remember reading once online just before maddie was born, a short quote which said, "sleep when the baby sleeps? oh shall i cook and clean when he does too?" classic.

i am so grateful to them both for making me a mum and for just being mine. i know that there is no greater role in this life for a woman than motherhood and i wouldn't change it for a thing. sure i'd like to pee in peace every now and then, but i hear that they move out when they're 20 or so, so i'll just keep looking forward to the light at the end of the tunnel.

happy mothers day to all the crazy mums like me out there!!

i don't want to be a mum

i remember just before madeline was born, a lady in our ward told me that if i didn't ever have a day when i wanted to throw my baby out the window, that i wasn't doing it right. being a mother of four children herself, i was more than happy to take her advice, especially seeing as she has her head on right and her kids are lovely and well mannered. i know what she meant by it anyway... that every mum has bad days... and this week i've had a lot of them.

i can honestly say that this week i have thought more than once that i don't want to be a mother... i am trying to toilet train madeline and it's not going well. i know that the best possible way to do it is to let them run in undies and when they have accidents that they'll learn to run for the toilet. so we bought some peppa undies for the little miss and gave it a go. she does not want to use the toilet and i am getting so frustrated. she knows when she needs to pee, i know that for sure, cause it's when she comes to me and asks for her nappy. she has peed once on the toilet, when she had asked me for her nappy so many times that i sat her on there and just wouldn't leave. she cried and cried and begged for one the other day to the point where i cried too, then the poor love peed on the floor right in front of me and then cried some more. then she held it for the rest of the day. sigh. she also keeps telling me that she has a sore tummy (obviously because she needs to poo) but waits until we put a nappy on her for bed and then goes. she has asked me a few times to go to bed at 6:30 and once as early as 5, so it wasn't hard to work out why. i guess it's all about perseverance and i'll just have to keep trying. 

then we have joseph who kept not burping and eventually vomiting up all his milk after i'd fed him. this went on and on and on, until i finally went to the chemist, where they told me he must be colicy, gave me two different medicines for him and thankfully it's helped... cause i was over the vom like i can't even tell you. hopefully they'll continue to settle his tummy.

i know i am lucky. i know it. i have two beautiful children, some people don't even have one and yearn for them. my children are healthy - and most days things are great. not perfect, but great. but just so people don't think that i have it all sorted... i felt like i needed to write this. i don't have it all together. i may never have it all together. but i am trying. heaven knows i am trying. and i'll keep trying until i do. 

but this week i don't want to be a mum. i honestly would love to crawl back into bed and pull the covers over my head and sleep for more than three hours at a time. thinking of my teenage years when i could sleep until lunchtime make my mouth water... but seeing as i love my babies and was willing to give all that up for them, i guess it's back to work. ♥