Wednesday, April 16, 2014

i don't want to be a mum

i remember just before madeline was born, a lady in our ward told me that if i didn't ever have a day when i wanted to throw my baby out the window, that i wasn't doing it right. being a mother of four children herself, i was more than happy to take her advice, especially seeing as she has her head on right and her kids are lovely and well mannered. i know what she meant by it anyway... that every mum has bad days... and this week i've had a lot of them.

i can honestly say that this week i have thought more than once that i don't want to be a mother... i am trying to toilet train madeline and it's not going well. i know that the best possible way to do it is to let them run in undies and when they have accidents that they'll learn to run for the toilet. so we bought some peppa undies for the little miss and gave it a go. she does not want to use the toilet and i am getting so frustrated. she knows when she needs to pee, i know that for sure, cause it's when she comes to me and asks for her nappy. she has peed once on the toilet, when she had asked me for her nappy so many times that i sat her on there and just wouldn't leave. she cried and cried and begged for one the other day to the point where i cried too, then the poor love peed on the floor right in front of me and then cried some more. then she held it for the rest of the day. sigh. she also keeps telling me that she has a sore tummy (obviously because she needs to poo) but waits until we put a nappy on her for bed and then goes. she has asked me a few times to go to bed at 6:30 and once as early as 5, so it wasn't hard to work out why. i guess it's all about perseverance and i'll just have to keep trying. 

then we have joseph who kept not burping and eventually vomiting up all his milk after i'd fed him. this went on and on and on, until i finally went to the chemist, where they told me he must be colicy, gave me two different medicines for him and thankfully it's helped... cause i was over the vom like i can't even tell you. hopefully they'll continue to settle his tummy.

i know i am lucky. i know it. i have two beautiful children, some people don't even have one and yearn for them. my children are healthy - and most days things are great. not perfect, but great. but just so people don't think that i have it all sorted... i felt like i needed to write this. i don't have it all together. i may never have it all together. but i am trying. heaven knows i am trying. and i'll keep trying until i do. 

but this week i don't want to be a mum. i honestly would love to crawl back into bed and pull the covers over my head and sleep for more than three hours at a time. thinking of my teenage years when i could sleep until lunchtime make my mouth water... but seeing as i love my babies and was willing to give all that up for them, i guess it's back to work. ♥

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